The Maine Women's Journal - Fall 2007

Shirley

by Cathy Orser

Have you ever found yourself struggling to remember someone you thought you would never forget? Maybe you recall a face of one of the kids in your childhood circle of friends, yet are unable to recall their first name. Unforgettable people usually fall within the family circle. Occasionally, a friend is included in that group. When you are truly blessed, that unforgettable person falls under both categories.

Shirley is my neighbor. She and her husband Bill live next door. We each moved into our homes in 2000. Shirley made the first of what would be many visits. I remember coming home and seeing the banana bread Shirley brought over. I remember the smile on my mother's face as she recalled their visit.

Over these past 7 years, Shirley and Bill spent many holidays with us. We always celebrated our birthdays together. Two years ago, we celebrated Shirley and Bill's 40th wedding anniversary. Shirley started out as a welcoming neighbor and became a part of our family. She is the aunt I never had, and the sister my mother never had.

Why write about the lady next door? Because Shirley is someone the world should know. In a world with 24 hours news that seems to focus on gloom, doom and spoiled celebrities, it is important to remember that people like Shirley exist. Shirley is someone you can tell anything to, without fear of judgment. Although she was an expert floral designer by trade, Shirley could have been a successful investigative reporter. She somehow knows what's going on in town. She is not a busy-body, but she elicits confidences from people. Shirley is one of those people with whom you strike up a conversation while standing in line at Target.

Shirley gives so much of herself to others. Her time, her attention and her loyalty come without question and without exception. Her love for her family and friends is evident by the way she talks about them. Shirley has of this, along with a keen mind and mischievous sense of humor. My mother shared with Shirley her plans to dig up sea rose bushes near the beach instead of buying them. They would discuss it in front of me, to which I'd reply "I'm not bailing you two out of jail!" My brother and his family spent Christmas with us a few years ago, and we were at Shirley and Bill's on Christmas Eve. Out of the comer of my eye I saw Shirley whisper to my two young nieces and point to a package in the comer of the room. The package turned out to be for me. It was a toy shovel with my name and address on it; written in permanent marker. Apparently, that was the incriminating evidence they planned to leave behind when they dug up the rose bushes. Any time spent with Shirley is both an adventure and an event.

When I faced my own trials over the past 7 years, Shirley would always remind me she was there and ready to help. She has seen me through unemployment and illness. She has a way of bringing calmness and gentle reassurance when it is needed the most. Her compassion and caring is a gift I never expected.

As I write this as Shirley faces her own battle with cancer. It will be a year in October when she first began to feel ill. She is brave and strong. I have no doubt Shirley will face this as she does other obstacles - with grace, determination and dignity. At a time when any action seems to be inadequate, let these words be a testament to a kind, loving and vibrant woman named Shirley.

A friend, a mother, a grandmother, an adopted aunt, Shirley is a woman loved very much in each of those roles by so many.

Post Script:

During the early afternoon of September 4, 2007, Shirley passed away in her home. As expected, Shirley remained a woman of strength and grace until it was her time to go. Shirley knew how I felt about her, even though she never read this. I told her I loved her with words and actions, over the past seven years. I guess that was the one thing I did that truly mattered.

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